apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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