I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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