My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
