I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
