Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
