I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
