Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
