Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
