Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize