Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
