So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
