You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
