This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
