The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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