I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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