So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
