She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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