There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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