i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
