he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm at about main and main street
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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