Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
