im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
