So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
