I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
