barbara walters just said penis...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
