turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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