Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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