and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
