the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
