you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
