careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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