i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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