where does the pee come out of this thing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's shark week go big or go home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
