I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I lost the right to judge tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
