Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
