You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
