If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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