im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
