there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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