I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
