Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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