Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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