Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
