Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So squirting runs in the family.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
