there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
