Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
