how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
