Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
