Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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