please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
