I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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