captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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