Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's get the cat blown out
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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