Michael Bay diarrhea
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Found the puke drawer
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
