nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
