i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's like heaven, but drunker
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
