who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
