I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
